Saturday, July 31, 2010

Follow Me

and I will follow you.  I have gone through my followers a few times in the past to be sure that I am returning the favor, but some profiles didn't have a link to their blog.  So, please, if I'm not listed as one of your followers, leave me a comment with the URL to your blog.

Thank you all for the warm welcome back!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Guess Who Went Off Her Meds?

female warrior anime Pictures, Images and PhotosThe Battle

He's slowly creeping back into my life
Drawn back in by my loneliness and strife

Try as I might, it's a battle I won't win
It won't be long before he's in control again
Telling me I'm not worth the space I take up
That I'll be better off if I never wake up

I'm quickly spiraling back to the bottom
Evoking the nightmares I'd once forgotten
All sense of reason quickly begins to fade
As I relive every mistake I have ever made

Death and darkness consume every thought
In Depression's icy clutches I am caught

(written, copyrighted and published by blog author)

I should have known better, but it's been a solid year on those little life-saving blue and green capsules and thought it was time to see about weaning off. Apparently, it's not time. Therefore, I apologize for my dramatic, hair-flip, stage left exit. However, that is truly how I was feeling at the moment...not good enough. And that is a feeling I have battled all my life along with battling that bastard, Depression.

I created this blog to deal with the not only the loss of physical weight with the help of the Lap-Band, but to shed some emotional weight as well. Apparently the feeling of not being "good enough" for anyone is baggage that's going to take a little longer to sift through.

So here I am, trying to make my way through shit creek....paddle or not, to the clear waters I know exist somewhere upstream!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Bye-Bye, Bloggy, Bye-Bye *edited*

This blog is going bye-bye (not that any of you will likely notice).

Not only am a professional reject, I'm apparently a social one, too.  It's become apparent that I'm not funny enough, witty enough or even interesting enough to continue to put time or energy into this and perhaps it's a blessing that I haven't been able to find a job down here and can't go to Chicago, as I'd likely be on the outside looking in there as well.

I hope you all have a fabulous time and wish you al the very best on your journeys!!

If any of you would like to keep in touch, email me through my profile.  Thanks, and so-long!

***Edited to add, I will still have my account and plan to continue reading and supporting you all.***

This blog will self destruct in T-24:00

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

All American Reject

That's me!  I received the official email of rejection for the one single interview I've had here in the nearly 2 months I've been searching for a job.  I'm not going to lie, I'm seriously disappointed because I have the experience, excellent references and really thought the interview went well.  Add to that the guilt I have for cancelling our trip back home to drop Munchkin off and just meeting my mom in Nashville instead.  Monster totally got gypped out of summer fun on the farm with my parents and my parents got gypped out of time with Monster, especially my dad, who won't be able to come down with my mom when she brings back Munchkin.

I'm doing my best to be positive, to let go and let God and believe the people who believe it just wasn't the right job for me and that He has something much better in mind.   Well, I hope that something comes to fruit really soon because my Type A personality can't deal with the bills that are piling up.

Yesterdays News:
Yesterday I weighed myself and saw 191...Seriously?!  I was pretty sure it was a fluke, as I know what I've been eating and it wasn't the right stuff this weekend.  Plus an 8 pound loss in 4 days....not likely, especially without excercise.  But I had to take Kaisa back to the vet 45 minutes away and didn't have time to check out the scale.

I weighed again when I got home from Kaisa's 6 hour vet appointment and it said 181......definitely wonky!!  Turns out one of Monster's little marbles was stuck under the scale and made it a little off balance.   So with the marble removed, the scale showed a more accurate number.   Still stuck at 199 going on week 3 again.    1 pound a week wasn't great but at least it was continuous loss.  This taking 3 weeks to lose just 1 pound is really for the birds!! In order to combat it, I'm going back to counting calories.

Other news:
I finally got Kaisa to eat something last night.  It wasn't much, but it was more than she'd eaten in the previous 60 hours.  Unfortunately, the cat likes what I'm feeding her, too, and she was showing some food aggression, which she's never done.  Usually she just gives him a look of "Why do you insist on eating out of my bowl?".  Last night she actually barked, growled, showed teeth and went after him.  So I gave the cat some in his dish to try to prevent it from happening again.

A Swimwear Recommendation:
Because of how long Kaisa's vet visit was going to be, I didn't want to drive the 45 minutes home, back to get her and home again, so Monster and I decided to go to the beach.  I hadn't brought any beach stuff with us, so we went to target.  I picked up a Merona Tankini Top and boy shorts (in a size 16!!).  The tankini top is awesome!!  It totally hides the jelly belly I have and with it's racerback gives great support to the girls.  I like that the boyshorts are a bit longer than most other boyshort bottoms I've tried....almost like short bike shorts but without showing the cottage cheese ass.  So if you're looking for a good suit, I recommend giving it a try. 

I hope you all have a great week!  I'm off to apply for a waitressing position at Cracker Barrel.  No worries about eating anything there as the only thing I ever get is chicken and dumplings and I can't handle the dough it might just be a good fit!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Do Your Boobs Hang Low...

Just a couple NSV's:

Wednesday night at church, a friend asked me if I had lost weight!  Seriously?!  This person has only seen me twice a week for about 4 weeks!  She said she noticed it along my chin/neck.  Yay...I a chin....not two chins! :-)

I also bought my first strapless bra in a 38D!!!  Prior to surgery I was a 40DDD!  When you've go bazonga boobs that big, there is no strapless bra in the world that is going to give you the support you need to get away with wearing spaghetti straps and I'm just not hippie/white trash enough to go braless now and for sure not at that size.  If I did, every where I would go people would be singing:

"Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro?  Can you tie them in a knot?  Can you tie them in a bow?"  Because um, yeah they do and yeah I probably could as with the weight loss they're pretty deflated!  Thank goodness for great bras that make them look good in clothes though!  LOL

Hope you all had a great weekend.  Mine was super-stressful as we almost lost Kaisa.  She spent the night in the hospital getting IV electrolytes (NaCl) and Hetastarch.  They couldn't give her plasma as they would have gone right through her.  The Hetastarch is a larger molecule and was enough to get her stabilized enough for her appointment tomorrow.  She lost 3 pounds since July 3, is anorexic, emaciated and was dehydrated as yesterday morning she also refused to drink or eat ice (which she usually considers a great treat).  The two attending vets agree with our vets from KSU that it is likely EPI and SIBO.  Thankfully, there is a wondeful EPI support group and one of the ladies there is sending me the proper enzymes to begin treatment as after the hospitalization and lack of j.o.b., I don't have the funds to pay for the needed testing tomorrow and the enzymes ($90 for 12oz).

The breeder and I are going round and round right now and it's looking like I will likely be filing a small claims civil suit against her.  Reimbursement would be great, but it's the fact this is the second seriously ill dog we've received from her that the vets all agree both were genetic defects.  Her contract specifically guarantees the health of her dogs for 5 years against all crippling genetic defects.  So it's a breach of contract. 

The vet here who refused to consult with our vets from KSU, follow the recommendations they gave me, do any follow up testing of her own, or provide me with the antibiotics I requested that are standard treatment for SIBO will also be getting a copy of the bill as it's her negligence that led to last night's emergency visit.  I had done everything I could on my own, following the recommendations of our vets in KS and had already scheduled an appointment with a new vet for tomorrow.  Unfortunately, Kaisa was so ill yesterday I honestly didn't think she'd make it to tomorrow morning's appointment without intervention and stabilization.

I'm not a litigous person, but Kaisa is a member of this family and I can guarantee you if medical professionals had done my kids this way, it'd be on like Donkey Kong to say the least.  I don't expect any less from the veterinary professionals in the treatment of my furkid.

Still no word about a job....maybe tomorrow will be the day!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Looking A Gift Horse in The Mouth

I know, they say you should never do it....but I am!

I can honestly say the only saving grace Florida has are it's people.   I am thankful every day that the people I have met have been absolutely incredible. 

A gallon of milk costs more than a gallon of gas.  I think the lowest I've seen milk here is $3.29 and it's usually closer to $3.79.  I think I need to buy a cow!

Then the trash company who charge an arm and leg doesn't pick up anything that's not in the trash can...unless you call for a bulk pick up.  But if you have moving boxes stuffed with packing paper and other miscellaneous have to empty them into said trash can (leaving no room for actual trash) and then break down the boxes for them to be picked up.  SERIOUSLY?!  If it fit in my trash can, I wouldn't be calling for a bulk pick up.  Then the topper...trash day is on Tuesday and I always think it's Monday.  So I set my trash on the curb Sunday night...I go to bring it back today (it was a lazy day yesterday and I didn't even go check the mail) and it's full.  REALLY?!  You pick up all the trash in the neighborhood except mine?!  WTH?!

I also just got my first full month's electric bill.  I use the Energy Select program and keep the house between 75 and 78 degrees.  I do all my laundry early in the morning or late at night.  I run the pool pump during the medium price range because apparently it should be ran from when the sun up to sun down.  I run ceiling fans to reduce the cooling costs and use as much natural sunlight to brighten the house as possible.  Yet my the bill was over $250!!!  The kicker is their fuel charge was more than what I was billed for use of electricity.  Never in my life have I ever had an electric bill that high...not even if you combined our electric bill with our gas bill! yeah...if y'all could keep the get a job vibes coming my way....I'd totally appreciate it!  Hubster's pay alone can't support the cost of living down here.  I'm also running out of places to apply to...there's not even any nursing home ads up right now and you can almost always count on a job there in nursing.  :-/

Monday, July 12, 2010

What's That You're Wearing?

I am currently wearing Eau De Mustard.  Yep...I smell like mustard and am proud of it!

See, there's this thing about living in the cannot go into your yard barefoot or you will come out with bloody nubs where your feet once were due to the fire ants.  Now, I know this and I don't normally walk in our yard at all.  But I was finishing up the detailing of my SUV of Stink - vacuuming, wiping down the leather, the dash, and getting all the nooks and crannies clean.  Well, I was done and went to wind up the cord of the vacuum, which was setting just off the driveway in the yard.  Then I felt the little stings.  I swear I must have stepped on an actual hill because there were at least 20 of them on my feet.  I swipe them away as fast as I can, run to the kitchen and slather my feet in hand sanitizer...why, because it's what was handy.

I went back out, finished up winding up cords, closed the garage door, came in the house and immediately took two benadryl.  See, when I get bit by these ants, the bites swell up huge to the size of dimes and then they turn into these little fluid filled bubbles the next day.  They itch like mad and last for weeks and actually leave scars on me. :-(  After downing the Benadryl, I jumped in the shower because I was a sweaty, stinky and now itchy mess.

The Benadryl didn't do anything bu make my whole mouth numb (they were the dissolvable thin strips I keep on hand for the kids) and my feet were still swollen and felt like fire.  So me, asked any of my FB friends if they knew any home remedies.  First response was mustard and it was something I had on hand, so I gladly slathered my feet in mustard.....and it was such a relief!  So here, I sit in mustard covered feet, so glad my friend knew of this little trick!!!

And who knows....maybe it'll be the next big thing at Bath & Body Works!  LOL

Sunday, July 11, 2010


That is how I feel right now in regards to my band.  I know I've been eating way more than I should even without restriction.  I'm worried I might have stretched my pouch but have no way to tell until I can get in to see the doctor...which won't happen until I have a J.O.B. and some C.A.S.H.  I have noticed that after eating I get a pain to the right side, the same place I had pain post surgery due to the hiatal hernia repair.

Add to that the scale hasn't been moving much at all, I just feel stuck and am a bit sad I can't use this tool that was given to me because of that darn administrative fee.  I asked around and there might be another doctor closer I can see, but I've got to wait til tomorrow to make some phone calls.

So in order to get back on track, I'm going retro to the pre-op diet.  That is my goal this live one week on the pre-op diet and hopefully get the scale moving in the right direction and get my mind where it needs to be.  I also to plan to spend at least 30 minutes a day treading water in the pool and swimming at least 10 laps.

In other news:

Baby Jayden went home yesterday!  What an absolutely amazing little man and what  a testament to God's power and might!  He actually set a record for being discharged post transplant.  Prior to him, the earliest anyone had been released was 10 days.  He was released in 8!  God is good!!

I also had an interview on Thursday for an office nurse position.  There are two openings, one to work with an ENT and the other to work in their float pool.  The practice has 23 specialties and around 50 physicians so even in the float pool, it's a full time job.  Pros to the ENT position:  One doc and able to get into a steady groove.  Cons: Snot, Spit and Earwax.   Pros to the Float Pool position:  Exposure to many different specialties including neuroscience...that would be cool.  Cons:  Never in the same place for long and lots of personalities to learn to jive with.  Either way it's a job with good hours and decent pay.  I'm supposed to hear back this week whether or not I've been selected for one of the 3 openings.  If so, orientation starts the 20th.  I'd appreciate your prayers and good vibes that I get this!

Hope y'all had great weekends!  I'm off to clean out my car because it smells like something died in it! *gag*  Who knows...with kids, maybe something did!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Not That Anyone Has Asked

Baby Jayden received his new liver!

Post-Op in his ICU room
God is so good!!  His new liver is doing it's job, breaking down bilirubin!  You can literally see the huge change a healthy liver is making for this baby boy!  His jaundice (the yellow skin tone from high bilirubin levels) has been reduced and his skin is taking on a natural flesh tone.
After Being Extubated
He is recovering remarkably well at this point.  He has been extubated, his NG tube to drain his tummy has been removed as well as two central lines and his labs are coming back good.  He even got to have some jello yesterday!  As I said above, God is so good!!

Baby Jayden, like all of us, has gotten a second chance at life!  However, it has come at a great cost, as it means another family lost someone they love in order to give this gift of life.  I ask you will remember that family in your prayers as well as pray for Jayden's continued recovery.

As you all know, the family's estimated costs for the transplant are estimated at a minimum of $40,000 and now that Jayden has been transplanted the bills are already adding up.  There are a great number of ways to help this family and require only a bit of your time.  I ask that you please take that little bit of time and do what you can to make a difference to this family.  You know if it was your child or a child you love, you'd be praying for a miracle too and this is your chance to be part of a miracle and help a family in need.

For those near Sierra Vista, Arizona: There is a car wash this Saturday July 10 at Schlotzki's Deli to benefit Jayden's COTA fund.  They can use volunteers to help wash cars as well as donations of car wash supplies.  Check out Jayden's COTA page if you would like to help or get your car washed!

For those of you on Facebook:  Please take 30 seconds a day and vote for his charity "COTA for Jayden O" in the APX Gives Back Project.  Please share it on your status and invite your friends and family to vote and do the same.  Copy the links at the top of my blog and add it to yours and encourage your followers to do the same.  Together we can make a difference!  Voting ends on August 21.  The charity with the most votes in each region gets a donation of $30,000!  What a blessing that would be for this family!!!

  • Simply "Like" the page.

  • Then click the button that says "Click to Start Voting". 

  • Next click on the orange circle for the Central region.

  • Scroll down until you see "COTA for Jayden O."

  • Click "Vote for this Charity"
RECYCLE FOR LIFE:   Please donate your old inkjet cartridges, laser ink cartridges and old cell phones to Recycle for Life.  Jayden's COTA account will receive 100% of the current recyclable value of the items donated.  Work in an office?  Would your employer consider donating the empty ink cartridges or cell phones?  What about your co-workers, family and friends?  Please pass this on!
****PLEASE NOTE*****
Epson inkjet and laser cartridges, Brother inkjet cartridges, and remanufactured cartridges are not recyclable and should not be included with shipments.
Donations can be mailed to:
Recycle for Life
842 Chaffee Rd
Fort Sam Houston, Texas 78234

To donate directly to COTA and follow his journey
Click the image below

Friday, July 2, 2010


*singing*  Fi-na-lly!!  It has happened to me....

Finally!!!  I made my first mini goal of shedding 20 pounds since surgery!  It's taken exactly 3 months, so it's definitely slow going.   But I'm doing it mostly on my own as I've only had one fill thus far.  I am averaging a loss of one pound per week.  Hopefully that will change once I get a J.O.B. and can afford the stupid $250 "administrative" fee the doc here requires before he'll do any fills.  Yes, I am still a little bit pissy about that considering everything listed in the "administrative" fee has already been done because it's all pre-op balogna that I've already done or bought!

I finally got my packet submitted to have my nursing license endorsed by the State of Florida.  Hopefully when I get back from taking Munchkin to my parents for her summer visit, it'll be endorsed and I'll be able to have a job ASAP.   Speaking of Florida, I've been here  for right at a month and honestly, I'm not all that impressed.  Everything costs an arm and a leg and the service you get for that price bites big burritos.  I'd rather be in Kansas...seriously!  How often do you hear that?!  One bright side to Florida is that I've been able to meet some great people and make new friends through our new church.  For that, I am thankful because I'd probably be losing my marbles otherwise!

Well, Hubster is here for the long weekend from Alabama, so I'm going to get going.  Just wanted to drop in and let you all know that I am still alive and the scale finally moved after 2-3 weeks of holding steady at 201.

Hope you all have a wonderful 4th!