Crafty

Here are some of the ornaments we made this weekend.  The kids really loved doing them and now I have keepsakes to give them when they are grown and have kids of their own.

I also have outdoor Christmas lights for the first time in my adult life!  It took 6 years together to get Hubster to actually put them up!  They're nothing spectacular, just some icicle lights on the porch and multi colored ones on the bushes, but they make me smile.  The tree is up, too.  I wish I had the talent to make it look like one from a magazine but it never turns out that way.  Instead there are ornaments all bunched together, gaps between branches and all that goes with letting kids help put it up and decorate...which is way better!!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with family, friends and yes, delicious food, too!

We were supposed to be halfway to Nashville right now to spend the holiday with my parents, my brother and my nieces.  However, it wasn't in the cards for any of us.  Instead, we planned to just do a small turkey and all the fixings here at home.   But, that changed, too!  We will be spending the day with another family from our church and I'm not going to lie, I'm looking forward to it.  They host our weekly Life Group meetings and are so sweet but apparently the husband is Mr. Gourmet Chef without even trying.  He's the guy that can have something delish at a restaurant and go home and make it, without a recipe.  Anyhow, he's smoking a turkey and yes, I am looking forward to trying it!  I am making sweet potatocasserole, green bean casserole, cherry delight and a pumpkin pie to take.  I'm thankful I don't have to make the turkey, but honestly, I'm going to miss having enough leftovers that I don't have to cook for the rest of the weekend.  LOL 

I will be out at 3am trying to score some deals from Kohls.  It's the only place I have a charge card to and it's the only way the kids will have anything under the tree.  I'm not planning on going overboard, but trying to make sure they have at least a pair of pajamas and a toy to open.  I also have to pick up something for Monster and T since their birthdays are each within a week of Christmas.  Again it won't be much, but enough they have something to unwrap on their big days.

I'm also planning on getting crafty!  We're going to attempt to make salt dough homemade ornaments not only to decorate the tree, but to give as gifts.  So if you know a crafty way to attach a photo to a clay-like ornament, please leave a comment and let me know. 

May all your holidays be blessed!

*Photo Credit

What I Eat

Work week:

Breakfast:

Coffee with 2 tbsp Dulce de Leche creamer - 100 calories
Snack size ziplock of dry cereal

Morning Snack:
lately it's been snack size candy from the kids' halloween stash

Lunch:
Leftovers from the night before, whatever the drug rep brings in or a SmartOnes frozen meal

Afternoon snack:
more candy from the kids halloween stash, a yogurt or string cheese.  Depends on what's in my lunch bag and how crappy of a day it's been.

Dinner:
Whatever I make the family.  The other night it was burritos and I just eat the insides because the tortillas get stuck.  Other nights it's chicken and veggies, pot roast with veggies, etc.

Night time snack:
Again, sugar laden or chocolate.


Yes, I eat 6 times a day.  Even with a morning snack my stomach is loudly growling with hunger at lunch.  Same thing, even with an afternoon snack, it's growling by 5 when I get off work and dinner usually isn't til 7.  So I usually end up snacking while making dinner.  Sad, but true.  But I'm 7 months post op and have had only 2 fills resulting in barely,any restriction.  The only things I can't eat since being banded are breads.  So no sandwiches, pizza, doughnuts, rolls, croissants, etc.  I also don't exercise beyond the squats and walking done at work.  So that is why my weight loss is so much slower than many who are banded the same time as me.

I know we're not supposed to compare ourselves to others, but we're human and we all do it.  So yes, I get frustrated when I see someone banded the same time as me who's lost 60 lbs.  But my goal is to lose 75lbs, as I barely met the qualifications of being 100lbs overweight.  I'm not going to shed it as fast as someone who has twice as much to lose.  My weight loss may be slower and I may not do everything right, but I'm still losing and that's what counts.

Irony?

Would that be keeling over from chest pain while at work in an office that specializes in cardiology?

Not sure what's going on...guess it's time to find a primary doctor in this town.

Ever Wish You Could

turn life's clock back to when you were happy?  It's been so long since I've been happy, I'm not sure I remember what it feels like.

I do know that it isn't the constant disappointment and stress I've been experiencing since this last move. The stress has been so constant that I've been getting muscle spasms in my jaw. (I have a bad habit of clenching my jaw when I'm stressed and have apparently been doing it A LOT!)

I miss my life before Florida.  I miss having true friends, as here there are only aquaintances.  I miss having a job I enjoyed and excelled at.  Now, I have a job that doesn't pay enough and adds to the jaw clenching.  I'm looking for a second job, but finding just one took 4 months.  There may be something in the works and I pray that it comes to fruition as it is more pay and I'd pretty much have a job at our next duty station whereever it is when Hubster is done here.  Please keep your fingers crossed for me.

We came here so we could be together as a family because the military separates us often enough without a choice.  Yet, we will likely not be able to do even one of the excursions we had planned on during our time here. 

I'm completely bummed about Christmas as well.  We weren't going to do gifts beyond stockings this year as we had planned to take the kids to Busch Gardens for the weekend.  Circumstances have made sure that our trip will not be happening.  And due to those circumstances, there will still only be stockings (if that) under the tree on Christmas morning.  I know Jesus is the reason for the season.  I know that we should just be happy that we will be spending the holiday together, as a family, under the same roof, instead of on opposite sides of the earth.  But I love picking out the perfect gift for my loved ones.  I love seeing the wonder in my children's eyes at all the presents under the tree and the joyful smiles when they unwrap that one thing they've really been wanting.  It makes me sad to know that won't be part of the Christmas Magic this year.  To top it off our sons have birthdays the week before and the week after Christmas and I have no idea what we're going to do for those either.

I'm just so sick of the struggle and yet, I know there is nothing I can do but keep trudging through it.  I wish there was some end in sight but it's likely to get uglier before it even starts to get better.  I wish I  had the faith and trust that God has it all under control and everything will work out just peachy keen...but I don't.  I've tried that path and as hard as it was, I truly trusted Him and believed all would work out.  Instead, things have just continued the spiral downward.  I feel like I am trying to climb out of a hole, only to find the bottom dropped out  to reveal an endless abyss and the walls are now covered in oil.

Thanks if you got this far.  I hate to be Debbie Downer all the effin' time but I gotta get it out somewhere.  So without any friends here and a hubby who doesn't understand, here it is in my private public journal.

Holiday Challenge

Good luck to all!!!  May we all be one step closer to or at our goals at the end!!!!  Glad something worked out that I could still be a part of it.

Yes, I am in a foul mood

just in case you didn't pick up on it in my last post. 

Yes - I know the band is a tool.

Yes - I know that one has to use it in it's intended capacity for it to do it's job (just like any other tool)

Yes - I know the band restricts portion size which can reduce calorie intake

No - I am not  currently using the band as it was intended.

No - I am not making good food choices.

Will I make better food choices tomorrow?   Maybe, maybe not.  Either way I don't really care because at this point with yet another chance to see my family ruined and the awesome plans we had made for the kids' Christmas adventure also getting flushed down the toilet, having a fat ass is the least of my concerns.

I'm Changing my Blog Title

to a Fat Chick Stays Fat!

Why, because it's the truth!  Every diet I have been on since I was 20, the lowest I seem to be able to get is 190.  I was sitting at 193 yesterday.  I've been banded for 7 months and have only lost 26 pounds...that's barely over 3 pounds a month.  Not the two pounds  a week I was hoping for.

Also, when stress hits, I eat.  Isn't that a problem many of us have with food that caused us to get to the point that we needed the band?

Well, the last 5 months have been nothing but stress and it's just piling on some more.  Between it taking me over 3 months to find a job and the Army finance office screwing up hubby's pay things have been miserable.  Things should be better as they finally fixed his pay and I have a steady income now....but no.  Some gov't agency screwed up again and we won't know which one until Monday.  Anyhow, the error once again, has a severe impact on our finances and I had to call and cancel Thanksgiving.  We were supposed to meet my family in Nashville for the weekend.  I haven't seen my dad in almost a year because I had to cancel our summer visit for an interview and he couldn't come when my mom brought Munchkin home.  Needless to say, there were a lot of tears last night.  Christmas is also likely to be cancelled (we had planned to take the kids to Busch Gardens for the weekend) because the tenants who were supposed to be out of our house on the 15th of Oct are still there and didn't pay the rent this month and because they are still there we've lost two people who wanted to move in ASAP...not sure we'll have rent in December so we're paying our rent here and the mortgage, too.  There will be Christmas decorations, but that's the extent this year.

So yeah, I have eaten every chocolate, sugar laden thing I can get into my mouth.  Do I know it's self destructive? Yes.  Do I care?  No.  Just hand over the sweets and no one gets hurt because I don't see anything changing as long as we are here. 

I honestly regret moving to Florida.  We've survived without Hubster for weeks, months, and years before.  But I thought the Army separates us enough, how could we volunatarily spend a year apart when we didn't have to?   The kids need him, too.  Well, we should have just kept our butts in Kansas and without any renters, maybe I should just open the doors to the house and sell everything we can't fit in the car and go back.  If only it would take us back in time, too, to where I only worked 4 nights a month and we had no credit card debt, a healthy savings account and able to do the fun stuff we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it.
I've tried to be positive, trusting in God and walking in faith....well let's just say at this point, eff that too!  But I'll be at church tomorrow just for shits and giggles to see what kind of message He has to impart anyways.

Double Dog Dare Ya Challenge Update

I am doing well for the most part.  There were 2 days that I went over my allotted calories by 100.  That's what happens when you can't tally til the end of the day.  Seriously...at work there is no time for anything extra.  No chit chat, no nothing.  I am so nose to the grindstone just trying to keep my head above water while learning this new position, it's not even funny.  I would seriously come in early and work through my lunch and even stay over if they'd let me.  I am a firm believer in doing what it takes to get the job done and it drives me bonkers to know I'm barely getting the minimum done.  I've brought it up with the person training me and my boss...but without success.

With the exception of the two days I've been over (and neither have been since Halloween), the rest, I have been under by a couple hundred calories.  That is good to know that once I get to my goal weight, I can feel satisfied eating only the calories I should.  The water intake is steady just at 64oz....no more no less.

So with all that going well, the scale went up!  Yesterday (one week into the challenge) I was at 197.  It really makes no sense.  According to The Daily Plate, at my current weight and activity level I should be consuming almost 1800 calories a day to lose 2 pounds a week.  I haven't hit that since the challenge began.  On my highest calorie day it was 1680.  So...why does the scale go up when in reality I'm averaging 1100 cal/day?  It had to be my monthly visitor...because the math just doesn't add up.

*sigh*  Hoping to see a big drop this week now that she's gone.