We came here so we could be together as a family because the military separates us often enough without a choice. Yet, we will likely not be able to do even one of the excursions we had planned on during our time here.
I'm completely bummed about Christmas as well. We weren't going to do gifts beyond stockings this year as we had planned to take the kids to Busch Gardens for the weekend. Circumstances have made sure that our trip will not be happening. And due to those circumstances, there will still only be stockings (if that) under the tree on Christmas morning. I know Jesus is the reason for the season. I know that we should just be happy that we will be spending the holiday together, as a family, under the same roof, instead of on opposite sides of the earth. But I love picking out the perfect gift for my loved ones. I love seeing the wonder in my children's eyes at all the presents under the tree and the joyful smiles when they unwrap that one thing they've really been wanting. It makes me sad to know that won't be part of the Christmas Magic this year. To top it off our sons have birthdays the week before and the week after Christmas and I have no idea what we're going to do for those either.
I'm just so sick of the struggle and yet, I know there is nothing I can do but keep trudging through it. I wish there was some end in sight but it's likely to get uglier before it even starts to get better. I wish I had the faith and trust that God has it all under control and everything will work out just peachy keen...but I don't. I've tried that path and as hard as it was, I truly trusted Him and believed all would work out. Instead, things have just continued the spiral downward. I feel like I am trying to climb out of a hole, only to find the bottom dropped out to reveal an endless abyss and the walls are now covered in oil.
Thanks if you got this far. I hate to be Debbie Downer all the effin' time but I gotta get it out somewhere. So without any friends here and a hubby who doesn't understand, here it is in my