Monday, February 8, 2010

Turning Point

Well, now that you've got the skinny on me, perhaps you are wondering what was my turning point?

I'm honestly not sure I can narrow it down to just one thing. It seems like with this last weight gain that there were a number of things I noticed all around the same time.

My visual turning point was Thanksgiving weekend. I had some sort of allergic reaction going on at the crease of my elbow that extended down most of my forearm and partly up my bicep as well. Considering it was a long weekend, I took a picture of it with the camera on my phone in case it cleared up before I could get in to see the doctor. When reviewing the photos, my heart sank. If I had not been able to see my hand in the photo, what I was looking at could have easily been mistaken for the back of of a thin person's leg! Yes, a picture is worth a thousand words although I only needed one...MOO!!!

My physical turning point was that when I go to bed at night, I can actually feel the fat of my double chin weighing down on my throat. No wonder why I've started snoring and get winded just rolling over in bed. I'm suffocating under my own blubber!

Vanity also played a part. None of my clothes fit. How embarrasing it was to gob back home for a visit, having to loop a ponytail holder through my jeans to be able to wear them. Talk about self conscious! I was constantly worried everyone could tell or my shirt might come up and people would see. Sure, I could have skipped the ponytail holder and buttoned them, but then it literally felt like I was cutting off the blood supply to everything below my waist.

Lastly there was the emotional turning point. I'm not the mom my children deserve. They deserve a mom who can actually participate in the fun and games with them. Not one who is too tired, too fat and too out of shape to join in. In regards to my husband, I worry about what others think when they see us. He's tall, handsome and fit...then there's me: short, fat and far from fit. I probably wouldn't worry but his co-workers can be cruel. Unfortunately, in his career, the impression I leave on others does reflect upon him and can impact his career.

You may wonder with each of these realizations, how could my self-esteem not take a critical hit? Trust me, it has. That is why I have decided that now is the time to take control of my weight and do what I have to do be who I want to be. And now you know my turning point.

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