F.T.S. !!!!! *edited*

That's my abbreviation for "Eff the Scale".  I want to throw the damn thing out the window and watch it burst into a million little pieces.  Maybe I'll set it up on the fence and take the pellet gun to it?  Whatever!  The damn thing is NOT my friend and I hate it.  It WILL NOT MOVE!!!!

C'mon!  I just had a fill and that first week the numbers went down, down, down and I saw a new low.  Then *bounce* it went right back to 195.  I have been stuck between 194 and 197 for months!!!!!

I have been super vigilant about what I'm eating...I'm seriously only eating once or twice a day.  No snacking.  I actually have some restriction and hunger just don't come around  like it used to.  I've also been making a conscious effort to move more.  Even at work, walking laps around the unit just to move, volunteering for the lab runs.  So why?!  Why isn't the damn scale moving?!!!! 

I really thought I could see 189 last week, but no....went right back to the status quo!  Amusingly enough, it must not have been level on the floor because one day it read 343lb!  That was 100+ over even my heaviest weight....but it got me thinking....if I had started my journey at 343lbs instead of 219lbs, I'd probably have lost close to 100 by now instead of just a measley 27.  Which got me thinking some more:

Is there anyone out there who started their lapband journey with  less than 100lbs to lose? Did the weight just melt off like it seems to do with those who started out with more to lose?  Or was it also more of the (unbearably) "slow and steady"? 

Dammit, I'm ready for size 14's and a new flippin' wardrobe.  I hate that everything I wore two years ago (when I was this size) still fits.  I hate that after I had my son, I went from 212 to 185 in about 3 months with the help of phentermine.  Now I eat about the same amount of calories as i did then with the same amount of movement and the scale won't budge.  I feel like I'm destined to be stuck at this point forever...and it's not a horrible place to be stuck at because honestly, with a tummy tuck, lipo and and a lower body lift I could probably be happy with my body...heck even with just a tummy tuck I'd be pretty content.

*sigh*

Edited to add:  God apparently has a sense of humor!  From the Facebook app "God Wants You to Know":

"God doesn't create faulty life. No. Everything created by God is perfect, and so are you. So stop driving yourself mad with endless ways to improve, and just accept the glory of your being as is. "



*Photo Credit

Not So Smooth

Smoothie making is apparently not my thing!  No, I haven't had the blender explode on me but my concoctions are not drinkable.   See, I was inspired by the blog "The World According to Eggface" to get creative with my protein shakes/smoothies. 

My first attempt seemed simple enough:
Low fat vanilla yogurt
Frozen cherry berry blend
1% milk
A drizzle of honey

Sounds like it should work, right?  Yeah, well it didn't.  I think it was the honey, but it had a weird aftertaste and it got poured down the sink.  I just couldn't force myself to ingest it.

Tonight, I decided I really wanted to play with the Torani Sugar Free Syrup I bought on the recommendation of Eggface.  I'm out of protein powder so I was making do with what I had.  I thought this sounded good in theory.
1 cup low fat vanilla yogurt
1/4 cup pumpkin puree
2 tbsp SF Torani Caramel Syrup

Once again, not very good.  I think it was the syrup, to be honest.  It seemed to have a cheap alcohol aftertaste.  Not what I was looking for.  I was thinking creamy pumpkin pie-ish.  But again, my sink was fed.

I have resigned myself to sticking with what Eggface has already proven to be tried and true.  Now if it was pay day so I could actually get some protein powder.  Really?  Why does every single one have to be jumbo sized and at least $30??  I could really use half the size at half the price so I could get two flavors!

On the bright side, I'm looking forward to trying the SF Caramel Latte recipe on the Torani bottle tomorrow morning.  It sounds right up my alley and cheaper than Sbux.

*photo credit

The Visit

So the visit kinda sucked!  Nothing like going to a weight-loss doctor and showing a weight gain!  Granted, it was only two pounds that could be accounted for by my jeans and shoes (last time I was in capris and flip-flops that they had me slide off before getting on the scale).  But nonetheless....kinda embarrassing.

I asked about the pain I was having that was much like the pain I had prior to surgery that was chalked up to the hiatal hernia that was repaired during banding.  He kinda blew it off like it was nothing but I'm still kinda worried the repair might not have stuck.  Guess I won't know unless it keeps happening or my next doc looks into it further.

I did end up getting a fill.  This is my third since my surgery in April.  I'm sitting at 5cc in a 10cc band.  Honestly, this might be the one that really gets the show on the road.  I'm down 4 pounds since my appointment on Wednesday and about to see a new low!  180's should be arriving by the end of this coming week. :)  However, because I actually feel some restriction now and can really only eat about 4-5 bites of something before I'm full, I see I will definitely have to get serious about the vitamin regimen or I'm going to really be anemic (I tend to run borderline as is).

 I also met with the nutritionist, who I really liked and she gave me some great ideas for band friendly foods on the go.  I just can't take much more yogurt and string cheese.....



On that note, hubby and I are going out tonight to celebrate our 6 year anniversary (it was on the 15th) and the fact he passed his test on guided missiles and is still in EOD school.  Thank the Lord!!  We're going with a girl I work with and her husband to a local seafood place on the bay.  Then maybe off to a movie if anything looks good!

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Dreading Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my appointment with the nutritionist and doc for a fill.  I've been doing the food/drink log they ask for and do not want to turn it over to them!  I am going to get quite the lecture about what I'm eating that I shouldn't be.

Let's see theres the:
Little Debbie Cakes
Brownies
Chocolate Cake
Cookies
Doritos
Cereal w/ milk (although I don't think I'll ever give this up)
Not sure if this is a no-no but since he said I shouldn't eat bread, it probably is....I had a biscuit with sausage and gravy the other day for breakfast.

No wonder I haven't lost more weight, right?  But seriously, I don't eat that every day.  I'm chalking it up to the stress eating and the fact that I have some weird mind thing going on where I know I have to go to the nutritionist and should be eating super good to impress them, but the exact opposite is happening.  Upon deeper thought, I'm sure it will be revealed I have some issues and this self-sabotage means something...but I don't feel like going there right now.

Then there's also the issue that I'm not drinking enough water/fluids.  Always has been an issue with me though being direct care staff in health care.  We can't have it around patients, patient charts, etc. and we don't have time to hang out in the break room.  Not to mention there's no time to pee!  But I've been trying to do better to get taht 64oz in....still not there but it's a work in progress.

Probably the best thing on my little intake sheet is the "Smart Ones" Sante Fe Chicken from their Bistro line.  It's 140 calories, 20g of protein and actually tastes pretty darn good.  Now if I could only eat those every meal every day....could some of you who don't mind eating the same thing day in and day out pass that on to me?

So in order to combat my horrible choices, I am religiously following "The World According to Eggface".  Lots of great recipes and her little egg bites are awesome and portable (but they stuck to my mini muffin pans in a way that they could not be saved and I need new ones...anyone care to donate?)  If you haven't checked out her blog, please do.  Just click on the image to your right.

So that's my goal for week #3....plan out a healthier, band friendly menu for the whole family and I'm using the above blog to get my recipes!

Oh...and I bought an excercise ball that I am trying to use as my new seat in the house because even just sitting takes musles....but how can you just sit when you're on a ball???  So more movement.  In fact, I've done sit ups two days in a row on it!!!!

Stop the Stress Eating!

bad, bad, bad!!!!  But I'm doing it and it's driving me mad because I. know. better!  However, it just hit me a few moments ago as to why I am doing it.  I noticed I was doing it, but  not sure why.  Now I know.

Hubster double tapped in the guided missiles portion of EOD school just before Christmas Exodus.  He caught a break and was recommended to repeat the course without having to go in front of a review board.  He just started the class again yesterday and the big test is in exactly one week.  If he fails it again, he is more than likely done with EOD school.  However, his previous MOS is currently overmanned and the Army is cutting almost 50,000 jobs thanks to the budget cuts for the DoD.  Meaning, should he fail out of EOD school, it's likely he won't have a job to go back to in the Army and they will begin the discharge process.

It makes me extremely thankful that I am now in a civil service position, but my income is nowhere near enough to support our family.  Not to mention I have to complete my 90 days here before I can transfer to any other DoD position.  I'd do my best to get a position near our home in Kansas and pray like hell hubby could find something there either with Caterpillar, a gov't contractor or civil service position. 

To make things worse, I have an appointment on Wednesday for a fill and to see the nutritionist.  They are going to be very upset when they see how much I have eaten and it's craptastic nutritional value.  I feel like a big band failure as I haven't lost any weight since the week after I got my last fill in September.  *sigh* 

I'm really praying hubby gets through this school...and would appreciate it if you'd send good thoughts his way, too.

Week #2

I didn't meet the 64oz of water every day goal last week...but am much closer.  So, while goal wasn't met , it's definitely a big improvement and I will continue working on it.

This week's goal:

I will only eat 3 small meals a day with 2 snacks.  This goal is band related as we are not supposed to graze and only eat 3 small meals.  However, I do not have restriction and my stomach is literally growling at the 3 hour mark.  To accomplish this, I will be setting the alarm on my phone for 4 hour intervals during waking hours and only eat at/around those times.  Working 12.5 hour night shifts kinda throws the schedule and depending on patient census dictates if/when I get to eat.  :)  But my goal is ultimately to stop the grazing, as it's become a bad habit and one a bandster shouldn't have.

Hope everyone is well!!  This week is nuts as I still have in-processing crap I have to attend really throwing a wrench in the schedule, so I'll catch up and comment as soon as I can!   Have a great week, y'all!

Step by Step

Well, with it being a new year and all, I've decided I'm going to take this banded life by the horns and really work it this year.  But we all know too many big changes all at once will cause feelings of being overwhelmed, frustrated, etc. and result in giving up on said goals.

So to combat this, I'm taking the advise of a nurse I worked with who lost 50lbs on her own and kept it off.  I'm making one positive change a week.  I can make one change per week as it takes doing something 16-24 times for it to become habit.


This week my positive change is to consume at least 64oz of plain water daily.

I chose this as my first goal because consuming the recommended amount of water is good for us in so many ways!  One simple change with many long lasting benefits, some which become apparent right away....and we all like that instant gratification! :)

So here's to 52 healthy new habits this year!!!

Banded or Bulemic?

Somedays, it's hard to tell the difference!

Apparently, my band clamps shut in the middle of the night.  Last night was my first night 12 hour night shift at the base hospital.  About 1am I was starving...like stomach growling, trying to digest itself kind of hungry.  So I went to warm up the turkey with gravy and sweet potato casserole I brought from home.  One bite of turkey and two bites of sweet potato casserole.  Stuck...painfully stuck and going to throw up. 

Tossed it up and was still very uncomfortable, lots of sliming, etc.  Threw up two more times.  Definitely looked like I threw up more than I ate...weird huh?  Anyhow...quite embarrassing considering it was my first night shift with a new crowd.  I'm feeling a little tight today yet but am wondering how I'll make my protein/calorie goals if I can't getnything down during the hours I'm actually awake?  Protein shakes, I guess.

I've also noticed that I tend to have more "stuck" episodes followed by PB or throwing up when it's meat that's been reheated in the microwave.   Not just the turkey, but I've noticed it with steak, chicken and other meats.  Goes down fine the first time, then if I warm up leftovers the next day....that's when the whole stuck, PB, slime, vomit episodes occur.  Anyone else notice this?

It's just so frustrating to tolerate one thing one time and then 12 hours later get stuck on the exact same thing, hence the title.

Where does 10 years go?

Here we are in 2011, a new decade.

10 years ago:

I had been married 2 months (ex-husband).
I was a new Army wife.
I lived in Temple, TX.
I was not a mom.
I worked as a gymnastics instructor.
I was a certified nursing assistant who had dropped out of nursing school after the first semester.
Present day:
I will celebrate my 6th wedding anniversary on the 15th (Hubster).
I am again, an Army wife, just more seasoned. (going on 6 years with hubster plus 3 with the ex)
I currently live in the Florida panhandle (and have lived in Indiana, Oklahoma and Kansas since TX)
I have two children and two step-children.
I am now a licensed practical nurse and  have completed all the pre-reqs for my RN.
I work for the Department of Defense, caring for our service members and their families.

Weight-wise, I probably weigh the same today as I did 10 years ago or pretty darn close.  I'm hoping that a year from today, I'll weigh what I did two decades ago, and be even closer to that RN degree.

Bring on 2011!