Thursday, April 1, 2010

Tomorrow, Tomorrow

I love you, tomorrow!  Yes, tomorrow is the day I finally get banded.  I'm sure I should be more excited, but instead I have a whole bunch of doubt. 

I have not been anywhere near successful with the 10 day pre-op diet.  I cheated the first day with a piece of cherry delight.  Two days later, when I thought they were postponing surgery again, I had Mexican with the family.  The next day I didn't eat anything all day while waiting to hear from the surgeons and cheated again that night with a steak that Hubster grilled.  I was a good girl through the weekend.  Then the monthly visitor came  (despite continuous birth control to keep the bitch from visiting at all) and I tried desperately to stay strong, but caved.  I had a grilled stuffed burrito from taco bell and half of Munchkin's small blizzard last night. 

If I can't adhere to 10 days of a strict diet, how am I going to learn to live with the rules of the band?  What if I'm going through all this and just screw it up?  I feel like a failure already because I couldn't stick to the pre-op,  even with the inspiration of those who have gone before me and totally rocked it.

I'm not looking forward to the fact that I have to accomodate the unwelcome guest.  She always makes life miserable, especially toward the end of her visit...which will be post-op.  And yeah, this is the first time I've ever had to have surgery with her accompanying me to the OR.  Could she get anymore overbearing?!

Today  is the day we say goodbye to our furfriend, Kazak.  We had a good time last night at puppy class, and we gave him his own dish of vanilla soft serve when we got home.  The weather has been great this week and we got in some good long walks and games of fetch, as well.  We have a heartful of wonderful times with him and hopefully those can overcome the heartache we're feeling right now.  I hope he's able to know just how much we love him and what a great part of our lives he has been.

See you on the other side.....


  1. Good luck tomorrow. You'll do fine. If we could be perfect and stick to the pre-op diet, we could stick to the same diet for months and not have to have the band.

    I am so sorry about Kazak. You are under a lot of emotions right now so forgive yourself. The band will help and so will we.

  2. oh shouldn't make me cry at work. :( I can only imagine how hard today is for you knowing that it is your last day with him. But what a selfless choice you are making for him knowing that his life would be a constant uphill battle with all that he faces. I am sure he knows without a doubt that you all love him. I mean, how many dogs get their own soft serve?! :)

    In regards to the pre-op diet...ummm...i don't think its natural. I am on a pretty "strict" diet and i would have a hard time not caving, especially considering all that you've dealt with over the past week. But post-op is a whole new world. You'll do great once you get in your grove and learn to satisfy your cravings with things that are different, but just as tasty! I'm not a bander, but i've been through the weight loss too and i'm always here if you need to vent, want new ideas or just need a walking buddy! And always remember...nothing can taste as good and being thin will make you feel! :)

  3. Thanks, Kellie! You are an inspiration and the fact you did it on your own is amazing! I'm so proud of you.

    I'm still copying recipes from your Weight Watcher books and am looking forward to a healthier post-op me.

    I'm sorry I made you cry at work.

  4. Once you have been banded, hopefully you will not see yourself as a failure, but that you are taking a proactive approcah to getting healthy. The band will help you eat less and I think that you need to focus on the positives rather than the past negatives. If you focus to much on past behaviors (which they are) you will just get even more down on yourself and you don't want the negativity to set you up for failure. This is not an easy road, but with determination, you can make a change and be a success story!

  5. don't worry, you will do great! The pre op diet can be very stressful for some. Many do very well on it and many barely get through it, but still do great once banded!! That will be you!

    I am so sorry to hear that you had to have Kazak euthanized. We had to have our cat euthanized about 2 years ago and we really miss him. Soon the sound of your new four legged family member will help.

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Post when you can to let us know everything is ok.